Normal People

"Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle." ~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 22~

There was a point in my life at which I was so far-removed from the concept of "normal" drinking that a doctor actually had to explain it to me. After I had honestly told him about the volume of alcohol I typically consumed every day (well, more honestly than I ever had before - I'm sure I was still rounding down to the nearest quart), he told me that there were people in the world who might have one or two alcoholic beverages in an evening and call it a night. I couldn't picture it! Frankly, I still can't.

Last night I met with my sponsor and told her all about my fears in dealing with a workplace bully. It occurred to me as we talked that WB is not talking over her issues with me with anyone right now; she has no sponsor, she has no program. Statistically speaking, she's probably not got any issues with alcohol (Little Debbies, maybe, but I am not to diagnose another individual).

It's true what I hear in meetings so often (damn it): the person I resent probably doesn't give a flip about me - I am only harming myself. WB gets up in the morning and does what she feels is her best every day. She was a WB before I got here and she'll be one when I leave.

My son is going through the "why" phase of life - his response to everything is "why?" When I don't know the answer, I tell him that God made it that way.

Ironically, being normal prevents her from experiencing the fellowship of this program. Last night in the midst of my anxiety crisis, I felt very loved by the people in the program I have come to respect and trust.

I do not need to drink over this, over though I don't know why this is happening.