Monday, February 22, 2010

That Damned Onion

You can't be in recovery long without hearing about the Onion: the work we do refines us on the inside, going deeper and deeper, getting to parts of our psyche like layers of an onion. As sick as I am of this metaphor, I have once again come up against the layer in me that always leaves me stuck, and stuck is something I can't afford.

I am 39 years old, but you wouldn't know it in the way I respond to my parents. I do not have adequate boundaries with them. When they are unhappy with me, I make myself physically sick with worry and anxiety. I'm a black-belt al-anon with everyone but them.

It ebbs and flows, and it is making me sick again. Whenever I tell them something I know will make them unhappy (mostly things beyond my control), the cycle begins: they go into a rant and I try to disappear inside myself or block them out or reason with them (never works).

Last night, I got a new sponsor, and told her all about it, that it was making me sick and I don't want to participate in the vicious cycle any more

So The Trudge Report is taking a bit of a turn, growing with my program. There's going to be a lot going on here about dealing with my parents. I'm finally sick of the onion making me cry.

44 comments:

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Wow, this is great...so glad to see you posting and such a great way to post, boundaries with family ...that's a tough nut to crack, but it can be done and all can be healthy...

keep us posted!
`

春天來嚕 said...

It's great!!.............................................

Texaco said...

I'm sick of the metaphor, too. And I'm dealing with new stuff with my parents, too. You're in my thoughts, because "what I cannot do alone. . ."

Life Is An Octopus said...

Thank you for sharing this. Setting boundaries with family is so damn hard. This post was great to read.

玉苓 said...

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PokCalaway0710 said...

若對自己誠實,日積月累,就無法對別人不忠了。........................................

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心中有愛,才會人見人愛。.............................................

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怡迪怡迪 said...

失去金錢的人,失去很多;失去朋友的人,失去更多;失去信心的人,失去所有。...............................................................

NorbertM_Ruley1231朝宜 said...

善言能贏得聽眾,善聽才能贏得朋友。..................................................

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一個人的價值,應該看他貢獻了什麼,而不是他取得了什麼..................................................

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It is easier to get than to keep it...................................................................

冠慧 said...

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曾法幸 said...

生存乃是不斷地在內心與靈魂交戰;寫作是坐著審判自己。..................................................

淑娟淑娟淑娟 said...

雖天地之大,萬物之多,而惟吾蜩翼之知。..................................................

RicoLisi0802志竹 said...

所有的資產,在不被諒解時,都成了負債.................................................................

鄭雅雯 said...

一個人的價值,應該看他貢獻了什麼,而不是他取得了什麼....................................................

凱許倫 said...

真正仁慈的人,會忘記他們做過的善行,他們全心投入現在的工作,過去的事已被遺忘。.................................................

宛淑芳真 said...

臨淵羨魚,不如退而結網。.......................................................

張鴻黃淑娟水 said...

人生是故事的創造與遺忘。............................................................

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Pen and ink is wits plough...................................................................

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君子立恆志,小人恆立志。................. ................................................

佳張張張張燕張張張張張 said...

Learning makes life sweet.......................................................................

璇陳陳陳竹 said...

我是天山,等待一輪明月。......................................................................

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No pains, no gains..................................................................

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Elizabeth R. said...

Hi. I really love your blog. I, too, am sick of the onion making me cry...I’ll be sure to follow you! Keep blogging and visit my blog, www.countingdays.org. I have 73 days today. Follow me and/or contribute a few words of wisdom on the page on Spiritual Experiences. I’d love to hear your experience with a higher power! Thanks!
Elizabeth
www.countingdays.org