Monday, February 22, 2010

That Damned Onion

You can't be in recovery long without hearing about the Onion: the work we do refines us on the inside, going deeper and deeper, getting to parts of our psyche like layers of an onion. As sick as I am of this metaphor, I have once again come up against the layer in me that always leaves me stuck, and stuck is something I can't afford.

I am 39 years old, but you wouldn't know it in the way I respond to my parents. I do not have adequate boundaries with them. When they are unhappy with me, I make myself physically sick with worry and anxiety. I'm a black-belt al-anon with everyone but them.

It ebbs and flows, and it is making me sick again. Whenever I tell them something I know will make them unhappy (mostly things beyond my control), the cycle begins: they go into a rant and I try to disappear inside myself or block them out or reason with them (never works).

Last night, I got a new sponsor, and told her all about it, that it was making me sick and I don't want to participate in the vicious cycle any more

So The Trudge Report is taking a bit of a turn, growing with my program. There's going to be a lot going on here about dealing with my parents. I'm finally sick of the onion making me cry.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

Wow, this is great...so glad to see you posting and such a great way to post, boundaries with family ...that's a tough nut to crack, but it can be done and all can be healthy...

keep us posted!
`

Texaco said...

I'm sick of the metaphor, too. And I'm dealing with new stuff with my parents, too. You're in my thoughts, because "what I cannot do alone. . ."

Life Is An Octopus said...

Thank you for sharing this. Setting boundaries with family is so damn hard. This post was great to read.

Anonymous said...

Hi. I really love your blog. I, too, am sick of the onion making me cry...I’ll be sure to follow you! Keep blogging and visit my blog, www.countingdays.org. I have 73 days today. Follow me and/or contribute a few words of wisdom on the page on Spiritual Experiences. I’d love to hear your experience with a higher power! Thanks!
Elizabeth
www.countingdays.org