Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Judge Not - Unless It's Your Job!

Check out newly-instated Judge Kevin Fine - one of us who just made it all the way to the bench! (the sentencing side of it - not the side being sentenced!)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Stone Cold (Sober) Case - Can You Help?

Please call the Snohomish County Sheriff's office if you have any information in the murder of Kenneth Westphal

Monday, November 17, 2008

How It Works - The Original Version!

A few weeks ago, an oldtimer created a bit of a stir by reading the original version of How It Works at the beginning of our meeting.

Many people (read: newcomers) were visibly uncomfortable with the hardline voice contained therein, but I loved it!

My favorite passage is this one:

Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after, have been designed to sell you three pertinent ideas: (a) That you are alcoholic and cannot manage your own life. (b) That probably no human power can relieve your alcoholism. (c) That God can and will. If you are not convinced on these vital issues, you ought to re-read the book to this point or else throw it away!

The hardcore crux of the matter of alcoholism is that the only existing solution is the development of a spiritual life. That might look that the religion of one's upbringing, but it certainly doesn't have to. As long as it's a God of the drunk's understanding, he's on the way.

If you won't work to discover who that God is, get yourself up of that seat so someone who will do the work can have it. You have obviously not hit bottom yet. You may wish whatever drove you in here was your bottom, but it wasn't. You need to go lower.

I was about to write "and may God help you then." But you wouldn't agree with that yet, huh?

One day you will.

Thank you Gabriella!

Please check out Gabriella's blog All WHo Wander Are Not Lost, and not just because she likes The Trudge Report!

Gabriella, not only do I thank you, but BF thanks you for reminding me to post more often!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

You're NOT an Alcoholic If ...

  1. You don't understand the concept of a 6-pack (isn't one enough?).
  2. You question the concept of "Happy Hour" - who would be in a bar for a whole hour?
  3. You immediately stop drinking when you start to "feel it".
  4. You have ever left an alcoholic beverage unconsumed for any reason
  5. You have no booze in your home, and that's not because you already drank it all
  6. After any sip of an alcoholic beverage, you have ever uttered the phrase "Whoa, this is too strong!"
  7. You're not sure where your neighborhood liquor store is.
  8. You especially look forward to events that are alcohol-free - no idiot drunks around!
  9. You purchase wine for cooking purposes, and you actually do cook with it.
  10. On second thought, you do have some alcohol in your home: a bottle of something someone gave you for Christmas, which is still unopened, and now covered in a layer of dust. You totally forgot about that thing! Maybe you can re-gift it to someone this year.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

It Still Sucks - Career Limiting Version

Somebody please get this poor bastard some aspirin, Gatorade, and the want ads!

Day 14

What a strange two weeks it's been. I believed that two weeks of praying for my "enemy" would enlighten me, but I had no idea that I would learn that ...

1) Forgiveness is an act, not an emotion. Each day, I prayed, whether I felt like it or not. Halfway through this, I realized I had to let her off of my psychological hook, whether I felt like doing that or not either.

2) Life changes in an instant, and in ways we can't imagine. If you'd told me two weeks ago that P would be sitting in prison right now, I'd have been shocked. It's easy for me to think that the way life looks at a particular moment is the way it will always look. I have been dramatically reminded that life has it's own pace.

3) HP really is in control. Others can do things intending their actions to harm me, but HP can use those very acts of theirs to benefit me.

4) This disease is no joke. I just had a ringside seat for someone's relapse and subsequent imprisonment. I have relished this reminder that while sobriety is fellowship and service and friendship, alcoholism is jails, institutions and death.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Day 13

It's official - P appears on the county jail list of active inmates.

This has been a humbling thing to watch, in that it reminds me of the gravity of alcoholism. While I've been doing this for many years, I have never witnessed someone go back out and then also witness their downfall - everyone I've seen go back out just disappears.

Throughout my day I have found myself marveling at the things I can do and experience that she will not be able to for a long while: taking my son to school, deciding what to prepare for dinner, cleaning the house ... none of these things seemed mundane today. They seemed like gifts.

It is Gratitude Month, indeed.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

It Still Sucks: Prayer Project Version

NP is not going to weekends in the clink after all - she is going to do 2.5 years!!


A friend of hers just called and told me. She has to report tomorrow morning.

One of the sad things about this (certainly not the saddest, but it shames me) is that a few weeks ago, I'd have been celebrating.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Day 11

Met with my sponsor tonight and among other things, discussed The Prayer Project. I am to call her and tell her I'm willing to meet, but not to expect much, since we hear from several sources that she is still drinking ....

Monday, November 3, 2008

Day 10

Here's a wrinkle in the semi-formed plan to meet P to talk: she has been sentenced to serve the next three weekends in the county jail. She was convicted of alcohol-related probation violations. I'm meeting with my sponsor tomorrow - I will discuss with her the actual meeting, if she will even see me (it was P's idea, but I'm used to things changing around here).

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Day 9

Ugh - another major realization, and I can tell it's going to be good for me b/c it hurts ...

Last night I "turned off" my resentment towards P. I literally just told myself after a speaker meeting that it was time to quit waiting around to "feel" like doing it and just think myself into right feeling. And it worked! That's the good news.

The bad news is that resentment is how I masked to myself a lot of other feelings about some other relationships. Once I switched off the hatred, I had to look at myself.

My sponsor thinks this is wonderful (she's a hardass, which I why I asked her). To me, it feels like an emotional bikini wax.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Day 8

Over halfway through the Prayer Project. I have to admit, I think it's working. I can honestly say that I am willing to meet with her.

It reminds me of the feeling I had when I first got sober: lots of future-tripping (as BF calls it - that's freaking out over events that have not occurred yet). When I actually picture meeting with her, I can't even imagine what I would say.

I must discuss again w/my sponsor. At least now I can discuss it in a spirit of willingness now and not in a spirit of whining!

Day 7

Okay, Day 7 was yesterday, please forgive. I fell asleep without posting, probably in part from heavy reflection in this issue...

I have also realized that I have learned through this program to have some measure of peace about my son's father, who is, empirically, a major pain in the ass. I have learned not to get too wound around the axle about his latest stunts, and he concerns my son. Therefore, I have no excuse to not practice the same behavior with P.

I need to lower my expectations, and accept her for who she is, because I am powerless over her behavior.